Fed up

 You know those days when you're just fed up?

You're not motivated enough to do something, you're not tired enough just to veg out in bed and sleep, you're just stuck in a weird kind of limbo.

That's how I have been feeling lately.

I decided to write, it seems to be that when I am feeling this way I just want to write, part of me wants to make a video blog about it but I don't want people to see my state of depression and frankly neither do I? Can you imagine, in the future, looking back and thinking, wow, what a mess. I mean, I do that all the time but nevertheless, let's not. 

So, considering we are still in the midst of a pandemic, things haven't drastically changed for me lately, I am still working from home and I still work out at home and I have eaten/drunk out only once since March. 

You think I would be used to it all by now but I am, like so many others, just fed up with the same situation. It makes me depressed thinking I can't go away for my birthday, I mean, I can but I don't want to take a chance on the whole situation and frankly, I am under the impression nobody should right now. 

Everything is just so up in the air and I want it to all come back down, settle, and then stay that way for a while. 

I have tried my best to stay busy, for instance, I have stripped, filled, and decorated the office I am currently sat in. I admit there are still a few bits and bobs to do but overall it's done and I still can't accept it. I am still in the midst of decorating the hallway but that's a work in progress and will be for a few more months (it's a tall hallway). 

I am restless and I keep setting myself goals, achieving them, and then moving on.

Just 2 days ago I ran 10k for the first time in 6 years...I should be elated, proud, and grateful that I am fit and healthy enough to do that, but no, it was just another day, another goal to achieve. I actually entered a virtual race and that's why I did it, but I might make a separate post about that...

I have started to sing again but the first thing that struck me is the amount of negativity there is out there. I have got thumbs down from strangers, I have received weird comments from both strangers and family members concerning my voice and mixing, etc. and you know what, it gets you down...you try not the let it affect you but it certainly gets inside your head.

Do you know how difficult it is to put yourself out there and sing on camera or even just record your voice? It is SO hard, and I have been putting it off for so many years because I never thought I was good enough but you know what, I am good enough and it is something I enjoy. 

There is so much negativity out there at the moment, I think mainly due to boredom but it is no excuse, why put someone down who is putting themselves out there? You have no idea what they are going through or how much it took them just to post something. 

The message I am trying to portray here is: just BE KIND.

I very much welcome constructive criticism, I can better myself from it, and although it may be a hard pill to swallow I will do it and come out better on the other side. 

Anyway, I am fed up, how about you? 

Peace out and I hope you are all staying safe, wearing masks, and cleaning your hands!

Thanks!