Routine & Mental illness
I still don't have a routine and to be honest, sometimes I like it - but its no good for training.
Now, I do anything I can to avoid my own house (I live with my family) and this means I am rarely near my gym or my personal belongings, it's hard and my fitness is definitely suffering.
I've decided to make a 'health' book, with food ideas and workout routines (with or without a gym) and just motivation for myself, things like what to do if I'm bored, stressed, need motivation etc. I am hoping that it will help me through this difficult time, not having an ounce of independence is certainly taking its toll on me and it's causing me to spiral into a depression, which is the worst thing for me and my health. I am also debating taking a long break from social media, I can't say that reading conflicting articles about what's healthy and what's not is helping me at all - actually it's infuriating.
I'm pretty sure I am still suffering from an eating disorder, as some may know I was anorexic a few years ago but then it turned into binge eating, knowing that I needed to gain weight led me to gain a lot more than I had bargained for. I would advise anyone who is suffering from a disorder to go to the doctors, but every time I go they diagnose my depression and send me away with a prescription of fluoxetine for my 'illness' and I don't want to take tablets, thanks but no thanks.
I constantly think about food and what to eat, how little I am exercising, how tired I am, if that food was the 'right' food - it's definitely an overwhelming problem in my life. The only people that can truly understand how much this affects your life is previous/current sufferers, I'm not ruling other people out because you can definitely show empathy to the condition, but unless you have been through it yourself you will not know how much it consumes your life. I would love to wake up one day and be 'free' of it, free of the constant voices in my head telling me that eating bread will make you fat or that to much sugar will cause you to store more fat - it's a cycle in my head that won't break. And then some days I wake up and I feel horrible, I eat every ounce of sugar in sight and then feel like crap the rest of the day, become bloated and hate myself. I presume a lot of you will be shocked by this, and others will be nodding along and agreeing with these tendencies, if you are, then I hope we can fight this together.
I know one day in the future everything will fall into place, a new place to live, a full-time job (hopefully in journalism) etc. but for now, I am 'all over the place' in every way, shape, and form.
You can not achieve physical greatness until your mind is in the right place and this is one thing I will stand by, time and time again. I'm not making excuses for not working out, and I am not saying that you should just give up, I'm telling you to keep trying and one day maybe everything will fall into place.
But for now, do what you can, go for a short walk, do some yoga, find a youtube workout that you can do or just dance along to your favourite music - just move and smile!
Your life should not revolve around the food choices you make, but for me, I am prone to weight gain and so I will never be the type of person who can eat rubbish food and be slim - it's impossible. I guess what I am trying to say, in a roundabout way is we all need to love ourselves and that means nourishing our bodies properly, using our bodies for amazing things like running, walking, biking, swimming and embracing the journey it takes to get to our own idea of 'healthy'.
Please comment if you have experienced any of these things, and hopefully, we can come together to try and prevent other people suffering.
&healthygirl ~
